Mi Amor

Lately I've been wanting to tell "that special someone" exactly what he means to me and while it would mean so much more face-to-face, I'm not sure I'd be able to find all the words. So it's going public, that way EVERYONE will know, too.

I've thought many times that what I had with other guys was love. It never was. Maybe infatuation, lust, and ignorance, but never, not once love.
My need for acceptance was what always got my feelings confused. I'd think "He calls me beautiful, he must love me. This must be it." But to assume that the first guy (or even second and third) to say that is THE ONE is wrong and misleading to everyone. I do believe you can find love young, but the chances aren't good. It's rare that anyone ends up with their childhood friend or high school sweetheart. It happens, but not a lot.
I have only dated 2 people besides Charles. The two "relationships" together lasted about 2 months. The one I'm in now just passed 3. I'm not bragging. I know it's not a lot, but I know there are many more months to come and I'm very excited about that.

The start of US is quite interesting.
We met at work on my second day -09/12/08-, (somewhere around his second or third week), and I can't say it was love at first sight, because you never know what they're really like until they open their mouth, but I definitely had an attraction to him. He was very smart, very funny, very cute and very single :)

We talked for awhile when we were scheduled together and created a nice friendship, but something in me wanted more. So after talking to some friends I mustered up the courage to ask for his number. Which is still the most difficult and embarassing thing I've done to date. Don't ask why.
I called that night and had the most horrific conversation ever. Not because of him, but because I was nervous and so afraid that he wasn't interested in a word I was saying or possibly because I thought I was talking too much. I'm sure I was.
After that I ended up calling him once or twice in a spans of maybe a month.

Then he got texting.
:-D

We texted a lot. After a while it became an everyday thing. Kind of routine.
Wake up
Text
Shower
Text
School
Text
Lunch
Text
Ect. Ect. Ect.

After maybe a month of that (we're in about early November of '08) I decided it was time to tell him how I truely felt. So I did. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was somewhere along the lines of "I really like you and hope you feel the same. If not we can still be friends. Yadda, yadda, yadda." and his reply didn't surprise me. He wanted to stay friends. And that was fine with me. He was (is) a great person. And his friendship would be awesome.
He continued texting me every morning and all day until we fell asleep that night. That greatly confused me and was sending me many mixed singles. "Why text all day if he doesn't like me?" I brushed it off, even though two of my friends were convinced we would still end up together. I ignored it and thought "Wishful thinking."

Confusion lasted until early December when one night we had a very seriously discussion about his denial. He did like me! To this day I love that conversation and really wish I still had it. We started dating on 12/14/08 at around one in the morning. I wouldn't take back any of it.

He is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I look at him and can't believe how God thought I was good enough for someone like him. I'm head over heels for him and can't imagine my life without him. I love him dearly and truely and I can not wait to marry him. I want to be close to him all the time because he's everythig I've ever wanted and I don't want to be without that for anything. I'll be with him forever on earth and in heaven and that makes me smile.
I love you, baby!

For me

I got saved on Sunday. By this I mean, what I'm sure you think I mean. I let the Lord take control. Sunday was my birthday. I got saved on my birthday. Very cool!
I announced it to everyone at my church. This little detail was why I hadn't done it yet. I don't like standing in front of people and being the center of attention, so I just didn't do it. I let people I don't know control my decision because it was out of my comfort zone. Way out.
But then it hit me; why? Why am I risking hell because I don't want to stand up in front of fellow believers and announce to them that I put all my trust in Him? Do I actually think they'll judge me? And even if they do, so what? Why spend an eternity in hell over opinions that don't matter and aren't right? I won't. So I did it. I told the pastor I wanted to announce it and I did.
I just want everyone to know that all I want is Jesus. More than air, food, or anything really. I'm not sure how it took me this long to realize He was all I was missing. But I have Him now and want to continue building a stronger relationship.

It almost didn't happen.
I told my boyfriend during the sermon and he was unaware all through our relationship that I wasn't saved. Not his fault. I didn't think to mention it and he didn't think to ask. Bad for both parties involved. He said if he had known he wouldn't have even started the relationship. Instant waterworks. I am head over heels in love with that man and that made me instantly start crying. I had to step out of the sanctuary and into the bathroom. You see, the problem here was that I misunderstood what he meant.

My meaning: He thinks now that the whole decision to start the relationship was a huge mistake and now we have to break up because I wasn't already saved.
Actual meaning: He still would have started a relationship with me, just not until I was saved.

He had to take me to the car to tell me this because the church hall was not a good place, what with my crying and all.
Everything is fine now. I have God, God has me and I still have an amazing boyfriend.

I wouldn't change how it all went for anything. The misunderstanding strengthened our relationship and I'm pretty happy now that I did over-react or else I wouldn't know certain things about him.

I'm writing this, one: because I want everyone to know how great God is. If you don't know Him, FIND Him. Do what I did. It's hands down the best choice I ever made. And two: to tell Charles how much I love him.
Babe, you'll honestly never know how much I love you and what you mean to me. I don't want to lose you. Thank you for sticking with me. It means so much to know I have someone as awesome and supportive as you by my side. I love you forever and always.

Show Me the Money!

Haha! So I titled this as, I'm sure, one of the most over used quotes. But it fits.

I recently moved in on my own. It's great and I love it, but with it comes responsibitlity..I'm not good with responsibility, if I could get a roommate, I would. The bills are few and semi- far between, but they're still here and bringing me down.
I would be completely fine if it wasn't for my car and laptop.
I had to get my car fixed: $467.26
Then I had to be viruses off my laptop: $259.49
That equals to: $926.75.

Crap...

I Need You

I've been feeling myself drawing farther and farther from You, despite my want to get closer. I know it's me. It's always me. I don't talk to You everyday and most of the time I don't notice You're there.
I feel bad, considering all that you've done. I don't deserve it. Even then though, You continue to love me and answer my prayers. I honestly can't imagine how You could love me so much when I don't do as You ask or want. I know I should do right and according to You, but it never turns out that way.
My point is, thank You for loving me, everyone, even though we do so much against You. Thank You, I don't deserve anything You do for me.

My goal is to read Your word and understand it. I will pray daily and talk to You. I will thank You for every day I have on Your earth and I will love You above all else.

I Love You, But I Hate You

I had an interesting day yesterday. I worked from 11am to 4pm which wasn't bad, except that 5 hours isn't a lot when you're scheduled 3 times a week and it's time for the check to come.
After work a friend and I decided to shop for clothes at the local mall. It went well I spent about $50 and got plenty of outfits. While I was there, however, I was in the fitting room trying on pants. I had to take my phone and keys out of my pocket since I didn't want to damage them, if by some chance they fell out and onto the floor while laying them down.
Somewhere along the way, my phone had a brain malfunction and stopped working.
By "stopped working" I mean, the screen went black. I could hear the sounds
when I received a call, email, voicemail, or text message, but I had no way of viewing any of them. I thought (more so, hoping) that my battery had died, even though I knew I had a full battery. My boyfriend has the same phone as I do, so I had the genius idea of bothering him at work about it. Unfortunately he had no idea what to do.
We both agreed that leaving it on the charger overnight may fix the problem, even though we didn't know what the problem was.
That, unfortunately, did not fix the problem. I woke up this morning to the same problem. Very frustrated and very impatient to fix it, I went online trying to fund a solution, which was never found.
There is, to my delght, an Apple store near my apartment that I was planning in going to. But my sense of direction is awful, I know how to get there....but getting out is hard.
I decided I'd visit my brother for directions while picking up some mail that is still delivered there. Two birds, one stone.
I got there and he looked over my phone to see if he could figured it out. And he did. He fixed my phone!! I have a phone again!! So I'm very happy now, but I feel very stupid because all he did was hold down some buttons and it restarted. So I get my phone back, but I feel like an idiot. A win/lose situation.

I love this phone, but it often defeats my patience and knowledge.
I love it, but I hate it.

It's All Me

I've decided to do what ever it is I want to do with this blog. If I want to rate movies, if I want to talk about my life. What ever.

Today I will just be about me.
I got a virus on my computer that Avast is searching for now so I'm having to use my phone to post this. I could use my desktop, except that for some reason the monitor is not working. It turns on, but the light blinks like its not connected or something. Which it is, so I'm confused. I'll have to take it to Best Buy, maybe they can fix it.
I got a call from my aunt this morning saying I owe $268 on my car insurance. That was fun to know. I really have to look for a second job. I was thinking of buying a camera and making videos on Youtube, but decided no because it would be a huge waste of money since I'm not clever enough to think of something funny and I wouldn't want to edit the vids.

Enough typing for now.

Blogging ideas?

So I pretty much started this with no insight into what I actually wanted to do with it. I thought, and this was my intended purpose, about just reviewing movies. I mean, I signed up for Netflix and I have thus far received approximately 10 movies from them, and I have had many opinions on all of them. But I wasn't completely sure if anyone would read it or if anyone would want to read it. Then I thought I could just write about my life, but seriously, it's not that interesting and I'd have more luck with the movie reviews.

I'm still not really sure what I want to do. I have so many blogs, it's ridiculous. I have a livejournal, which is very useless because so far I've just reposted things I've posted on other blogs. Then I have plenty of xangas that I currently use and others I have forgotten about, but I'm pretty sure are still up. The point of this post is that I want some opinions of what to do. I mean if you're reading this I'm sure you got it from my facebook and you'll probably never read this blog again, but I'd still like you're opinion. I really don't want to waste my time on something no one is going to read.