I'm fine, really.

I found out that a lot of people had been worried about me and I want to let you all know how I'm doing now, because I know of quite a few people that read this that were on The Worried List,
I realize that in the first month after my mom's death, I didn't really communicate past, "I'm good", "I'm fine" or "I'm okay".
I'm not very good at discussing my feelings and I'm much worse at discussing why I'm feeling that way.
My mom was like my best friend, someone I could talk to, who was always there. And then she was gone. I just couldn't believe it and didn't want to talk to anyone about it, because maybe I thought it was like finding a replacement listener or something.
I realize no one is going to replace my mom and I don't want them to. But at that time everything was confusing and happening so fast. One week she was going to be okay and the next week they said she wouldn't make it past the weekend.
It was all a lot to comprehend and I just wanted to make it all go away. No one close to me has ever died except her and I just didn't know how to handle it. I'm sure it seemed that I shut down and zoned out a lot around me. It was only a few months ago, but I really don't remember most of what I did after she died. It's like I blocked it out or something.
I promise I'm fine now.
I'm living on my own. I have a job that I love. I have a car, a license, and insurance that I can actually afford!
I didn't blame God for what happened. She was closer to Him near the end then I think she ever was. Which for me, is what brought me closer to Him after she died.

I'm really pleased with myself for the most part. I'm able to afford a cell phone, cable, and insurance. I may need another job soon though, so if you know of something PLEASE let me know. I'm looking for a full-time office job where I could possibly file or be an assistant.
I buy groceries, and for the most part I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (By "For the most part" I mean that I don't usually eat breakfast.)
I see my friends as often as I can and love every minute I have with them.
I still have a boyfriend and tomorrow will be 4 months. We're also doing fine. I hate when he leaves at night, but I know soon he won't have to anymore and we can stay together. I don't mean that we're moving in together, just that within the next year or two hopefully we can get married. (Don't freak out, no plans, just hopes.)

I'm trying to read the Bible everyday and so far it has gone good. Possibly missing a few days, but I'm on Joshua 2 right now. There are times when I just can't put it down and I love that.

I have lately been struggling with a few bills, but a friend helped me out and I owe her big for that. Hopefully next paycheck will be big enough to last until my next, and so on and so forth.


So to sum up the whole post: I'm doing great!